Going behind the mask

Renthung lo Kithan, Nagaland

From my childhood I see two classes of people – the high and the low - the rich becoming richer and the poor becoming poorer. The context from where I come was indeed not pleasant. There was so much injustice, so many inequalities. I used to wonder why the world is so cruel. The rich people have all the powers whereas the poor have no voice -they are always neglected. Where are their rights? This painful scenario really disturbed me and concerned me. I joined Sisterhood Network in 2001, right after my graduation, which helped me understand many things about the realities of this world. I want to make the poor aware of their rights as persons, to make them aware of their dignity and abilities, to help them to be confident of themselves, to make themselves self–reliant and to believe that their dreams will be realized in this life.
Connecting with the women’s group and young girls who are poor and marginalized is sometimes hard. They are not aware of where they are, who they are etc. After some months or years they do not remain the same. We see changes socially, economically, etc., which concerns not only the woman but helps her family and thus involves the society. These are the positive responses that we see. The main purpose here is to let them come out from where they are and then treat then like humans. It is amazing but slowly we can see the differences in their lives – they are confident, self reliant, aware of where they are etc. These changes do not come by overnight. It is a slow process where we need a lot of patience. From my experience thus far, looking at their backgrounds, studying their situations and dealing with them is very important – all are not same, some are difficult, some are not that difficult. In the process these are also challenges that I face. I begin to lose patience when things are not working according to plan. At times I just want to give up. Sometimes I feel like I cannot go on any longer, any further – I am tried and exhausted but I remember something here – “at the end of the tunnel there is always light”. There are also times like when I just leave things like that when I can do more or can do better. This is my life journey, my challenges that I still face and like I said it is hard sometimes but as I look back, through these hardships and struggles I have also learned something.

There is one incident that I faced two or three years back. One of my staff and I went to one office to collect project money given to the women’s group. We went to the Managing Director’s and office she said that everything is alright and the money is ready to be given to the women’s group. We reached the cashier’s office. There we saw that he was a bit reluctant to give the money sanctioned. The problem here was that he wanted to get some commission from us which we did not agree to. I finally I told him “Are you going to give us the money or I will go to the Managing Director’s office and report. You are paid for your job. What is this extra money for?” He then signed everything and gave us the money. Our society is corrupt. One should not compromise with the system. One should be strong, courageous and able to say what is right. That is my biggest challenge. Imagine how many persons the cashier must have taken money from like that, many of them poor and illiterate villagers. One thing I also learnt is to always “prepare my mind” because we never know what will come our way, what is ahead of us.

Reflecting back, evaluating myself, I should say that I have come a long way. My life journey was full of ups and downs Sometime it is discouraging and painful, but I have a strong belief that things will not always remain like that - someday it will change – “after a sunset, there is always sunrise”. In the beginning of Sisterhood Network there were only two of us. We went visiting from house to house. In a bag we carried water, some eatable things, torch, etc., since sometimes we reached home late at night after talking to these women. This is how the women’s group started. Their husbands do nothing, their children cannot go to school because of the economic problem. The women weave somehow and earn something to run the house. Even here marketing is a problem for them. The reason is they are not exposed and also not confident of themselves.

As I look back now there are certainly some changes that I see. Guiding them, seeing them change, finding marketing for them, organizing seminars on food and health, exposing them to different things, leadership training etc, these have really brought something to their lives. Let me also share something about young girls here. The young girls we are dealing with are school drop-outs, where most of them cannot continue because of economic problems. Many are educated but unemployed, some are trouble markers at home. Like I said before, some take time to change, even years, and some take a few months. I am not a psychologist nor a counsellor, but I try to read their mind, study the background from where they come, listen to them, gain trust from them and slowly they begin to open up. Their stories are heart rending, they narrate painful experiences in their lives which have left bitterness in their heart. Father and mother divorced, some from a broken family, some parents sell liquor thus affecting the whole family, the children in particular. Their life is full of emptiness. It is challenging for me to deal with these girls. I would say that it is a long struggle to for me. Most of them are stubborn and do not want to listen. Sometimes they seem to be smiling outside but that is not from their heart. Sometimes I get angry with them because of their behaviour, but again I remind myself of the world they come from. It certainly takes time, but things change.

Like I said most of them are from broken families. Since they come from that kind of world, it is difficult dealing with them. I can give you one example here of breaking the mask which they wear. One girl I observed was very quiet and the smile she had was so empty. Her mother and father divorced when she was only a kid and she stayed with an uncle. First I tried to make friends with her, talk to her casually, laugh with her, listen to her and thus slowly she began to open up and told her strory, her painful experiences. I try to be patient and win her trust so that she was comfortable with me. Many a times I go behind her trying to talk to her because she wants to keep a distance, trying to be alone, but I try to be friendly with her showing that someone loves her. It is so hard for them to accept the word “love”. This is my biggest challenge and I face this – to break that which is already in the heart it takes time.

In my job though I am responsible for the finance area, I am associated with all aspects of work of the organisation. It is indeed not easy but I try my best. At the end of the day as I reflect back it may be a little or simple thing that I do but it matters to me because I know how much I can do. Reaching out to the poor and needy gives me joy, though there are hardships and failures. We face many challenges but that makes me stronger. I learn many things out of that. In all my working “prayer” is the greatest weapon which gives me the inner strength to go on. The vision and the final goal that I have may not reach 100% perfection but atleast some will be fulfilled in this life.